You asked for it and I’m delivering. The GURU is BACKKK!!!!! You guys really didn’t think I’d leave you hanging did you? NO way. NO how. Last season was so much fun picking games and sharing my thoughts with you that I had no choice but to come back and do it again. We will get to the picks in a moment, but first, let’s take a look back at some of the off-season stories that peaked our interest.
Blasted in the elevator as former Rutgers running back that now runs rampid for the Ravens Ray Rice (Say that five times fast) went to town on his new wife in the elevator of an Atlantic City Casino. Of course, this is no laughing matter and hitting women is a serious crime that deserves serious punishment right? WRONG. Roger Goodell decided to find a soft spot in his heart for Ray Rice and slapped him on the wrist with a two game suspension.
All in all, it ended up being a public relations nightmare for the commissioner and Roger was forced to put in place stiffer penalties for all future transgressors. Ray McDonald is gonna get the book thrown at him. As he should.
Josh Gordon loves weed more than his job. This guy just doesn’t get it at all and until he does there won’t be room for him in the NFL. It was only a matter of when, not if he got caught again. Here’s to hoping he figures something out, however, we all just want to see Johnny Football throw him touchdown passes.
Speaking of JFF, do we even have to go over his off-season? I’m a HUGE Johnny fan, but even I get tired of the story sometimes. I get tired of hearing about Michael Sam as well. So I’ll lump them both in together here for time’s sake.
I could go on and on about what happened to both of these young men in their early journeys as NFL rookies but why should I? ESPN has it all covered. You do have to be an ESPN Insider to get daily shower reports from the locker room. YUP.
We finally figured out why Wes Welker was giving out $100 bills at the Kentucky Derby. That’s actually hilarious. Wes Welker pops molly at a horse race. I’d pay to see that. We have to have a vote for worst suspension excuses. Welker and his “somebody slipped it in my drink” or Josh Gordon “it was just second hand smoke”. Jokes Jokes Jokes.
Jim Irsay gets down with prescription pills while driving and Jerry Jones likes to take freaky pictures with young women. It’s all in good fun. Who knew that we had an active gang banger in the NFL? According to the Eagles, that’s why D-Jax had to get out of town. I cannot WAIT for Jackson to have a huge game in Philly and throw up every last one of his sets in the endzone. It has been written…So let it be done.
There’s more, but I know you guys just use me for my weekly picks. GRRRRR…So here they are.
*Green Bay 36 @ Seattle 31* UPSET SPECIAL
New Orleans 30 @ Atlanta 17
Minnesota 19 @ St. Louis 20
Cleveland 10 @ Pittsburgh 24
Jacksonville 14 @ Philadelphia 28
Oakland 20 @ New York Jets 26
Cincinnati 17 @ Baltimore 21
Buffalo 21 @ Chicago 31
Washington 27 @ Houston 21
Tennessee 24 @ Kansas City 30
New England 26 @ Miami 21
Carolina 21 @ Tampa Bay 20
San Francisco 24 @ Dallas 17
Indianapolis 31 @ Denver 38
*New York Giants 6 @ Detroit 20* GuruDAMNtee
San Diego 24 @ Arizona 27
Week 1 is always the hardest week to pick. You’re unsure of how teams will come out of the gate and literally almost anything is possible. Let’s get it started.
I’m going Green Bay over Seattle on the road to start the season for my upset special. Bold. I know, I know. Seattle is favored by 6, but I believe in that Superbowl hangover thing. My guess is that Seattle takes a step back this year. Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in football and he’s got something to prove starting Thursday night.
Give me Detroit for my GuruDAMNtee pick. Ehhh, has anybody seen that Giants offense. Sheesh. They look bad. I’ve been on the record saying that Eli and company get it together at some point this season. However, until I see it with my own eyes, I won’t believe.
Cleveland would be foolish not to use Johnny in some capacity. It won’t matter much either way. Cleveland won’t be the city that rocks again until JFF is in as the starter.
I made many jokes at the expense of RGIII last year, but now I’m actually concerned that he won’t get this thing fixed. I have the ‘Skins going from worst to first in the NFC East. That only happens if RGIII decides to step up and play like a winner. I’m rooting for him, don’t ask why, just know that I am.
Indy and Denver should be a good one. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Colts came away with a victory. I’ll take Denver because of home field advantage, but I think we all want to see what that revamped defense will do out there on the field. If Luck rips them apart, even with a win Broncos’ fans will throw a fit. They know what’s coming in January.
I don’t know. I just don’t know how you feel about me. But, I’ll tell you something. I love all of you guys reading this right now. Each and every last one of you. Not because of who you are, but because of who I am. And, if I am your enemy. It is ONLY because I DARE to tell you the TRUTH.